OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize