the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
