We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so let's talk penis.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
