You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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