Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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