Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she smelled like a LAN party
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize