You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
