i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
