Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
