UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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