I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
