I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they're like a gay fantastic four
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
