Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
