I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
