yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
