he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
