Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
