Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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