You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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