Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
