i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
