When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm really busy with my period
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