we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
