I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize