that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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