the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
