Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize