I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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