apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I have post one night stand depression
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
