Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love you. Go after that dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
