Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
