You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
