I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
