do herpes really smell.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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