This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
please come you make the beer taste better
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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