"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
