I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
