this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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