You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
