He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
operation harelip BJ is a go
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
