Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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