Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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