Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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