taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
