You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
