I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
