Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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