Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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