If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
