RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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