im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
