I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize