so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
