You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
