Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
