fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
