Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
