I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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