so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
