i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
