To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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