Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
