the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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