sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
