i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
