Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
