Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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