Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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