I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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