I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
