I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
