Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
