I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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