i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
