just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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