My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
