Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
