If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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