Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
