i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
