i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
