Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Floor bacon is actually really good
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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