My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
