I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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