Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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