Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
