Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
