I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
