I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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