It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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