Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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