Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
