I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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