So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize