They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
