I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
