what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
