remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
