I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
