Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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