Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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