I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
